also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
