her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
