who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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