I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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