So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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