Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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