i may or may not be watching the land before time
apparently the secret to your success is patron
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
