i think my mom watched the whole time
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
