So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
