He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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