It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
