I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
