Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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