btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
