you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
