I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
