dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
