I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
