Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
