Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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