Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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