he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
