so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
