You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
