A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
