That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
All the doctor said was why
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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