Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
