somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
