he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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