K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Lo siento on account of my penis...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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