every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
