If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
