I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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