Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
