when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
