just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
