i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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