Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
