Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize