No awkward lesbian experiences without me
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
