So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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