Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
