Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
