i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Randomize
