I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We left an ass print on the piano.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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