So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
