turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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