I just threw up on my dentist
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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