There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
