i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just cropdusted the office
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
