Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
