Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
